To move forward, I think I should be comfortable looking back at some less comfortable moments in my life. Winter 2021 was very fruitful in confronting the things about myself that I need to work on and the boundaries that I need to have in order to feel safe and appreciated by those around me. Here are some lessons I’ve learned:
- I need to look out for myself first and foremost. My life isn’t going to be mine unless I start taking care of myself and what I want. Going forward, I want to make conscious decisions that address what I need and I want those decisions to be good for myself, my academics, and most of all, my soul.
- Being proactive is the key. I spend a lot of time worrying about things that I have the time to think through calmly, if I take extra time to address them before they snowball into problems. I want to be more invested in my own academics, so that I can actually be knowledgeable once the time comes to implement that knowledge.
- I have to be more assertive in setting my boundaries and making my intentions and desires known. It makes life so much easier to bring clarity into relationships. I also need to have more distance between myself and others. It’s not the best thing, for me, to be completely reliant and intertwined with another person.
- I need to make time for my mental health. Meditation, yoga, getting a therapist are all some of the important aspects of addressing my emotional fluctuation and anxiety and suicidal thoughts. It’s time that I take that part of my life seriously instead of being stuck in a cycle of mentally abusing myself.
- It’s important to forgive myself and make peace for my past mistakes. I need to learn from them and learn better ways to navigate similar situations, instead of beating myself up about my transgressions against others. I also found that I have strength in forgiving others, but learning to adjust myself in my relationships to protect myself and my mental wellbeing. So I’m happy that I’ve realized that.
- I want to just feel and move with love in all situations. Whether it’s love for myself or for others, I want to leave people feeling better about having interacted with me, even if the situation can be uncomfortable. Instead of viewing conflict as a problem, I’d rather view it as a prospect for growth.
Alongside these lessons that I want to continue learning from, I also have some things that I am very proud of myself for doing. Here is this list, one that hopefully radiates positivity and optimism:
- I am so proud of myself for getting A’s and B’s this last quarter! I feel that I deserved those grades, and I am so grateful for all the people who had helped in my accomplishments in Winter 2021. I want to send them a heartfelt letter wishing them well.
- I am proud that I stood up for myself. I left a toxic friendship that only made me into an oversharing, gossiping hater. I got clarity from an old hookup, and I actually feel so much better! I made it clear to a close friend that I felt that she was taking advantage of me in some ways, and I am prepared to adjust myself to make it a better situation for both of us. I am really so proud that I stopped suppressing my emotions so much because it was just becoming too much for my heart.
- I am so happy about the close bond I’ve built with my mom in the past month. Going home was a great decision, and it brought us closer together. And now we do yoga together and it’s great haha.
- I am proud that I am actively taking steps to get mental health help. I want to keep believing that I can, will, and deserve to get better because it’s true! Instead of just thinking that it’s a hopeless scenario because it really isn’t. It is just hard work and consistency.
Here are some overarching goals I have set for myself:
- I will continue on my mental health journey, no matter how difficult it gets sometimes. It is important for me to feel better in the long run.
- I will find a vet and options for treatment for my dog instead of waiting for things to possibly worsen. It is important to make sure he’s doing well.
- I will continue to find time to reflect! It is vital to becoming a better version of myself.
- I will read more books! It helps with my writing ability and expands my worldview.
- I will eat healthily and have three meals a day. It is so important for my wellbeing and to keep a positive outlook.
- I will do yoga daily, and I will call my mom to do yoga with her nightly. It is important for our bond, and our health, as well.
So that has been the last quarter of my life. It flew by, and it taught me so much. I can’t wait to see what the next quarter will bring in terms of inner growth and reflection. Happy spring 🌷